Many people tend to "talk" to their loved ones when they pass. But I'm not really sure if I'm doing it right. Like, do I talk out loud to my dad? Or do I just keep my thoughts internal? And if I just keep my thoughts internal, how the heck does he know I'm talking to him?! And if I talk out loud to him, I feel like I just look like a crazy person. I mean is he even there to hear what I'm saying?!
I know and respect that everyone has to deal with Grief in their own way, and everyone has their own beliefs (and their own right to believe what they want) so this is not a blog that in any way thinks one persons beliefs or religion is wrong - I'm just trying to find my own way and figure out what is right for me.
I want to believe that my Dad's passing had to have greater meaning. I want to believe that he didn't just disappear out of my life. I want to believe that he passed on so he could possibly do greater good for us and our family. But I think that might be selfish. Because I tend to thank my Dad when things go right, and ask him where the heck is is when everything is going so wrong. But who did I have to blame or give credit to when he was alive? I have been angry with God, especially before my dad passed and while he was passing. But the more I look back on it, maybe everything that is meant to be will just be, and there really is no higher power or "spirit" of my dad controlling any part of my life. What I do believe that wherever he is, he is out of pain and I take solace in that every day.
Now I know that ultimately I have control over my own life. That it is up to me to make myself happy, or the reason why I'm sad, to succeed or fail, but for some reason it gives me more hope to feel like my Dad is there guiding me along giving me a little extra "power" (so to speak). But maybe that is just wishful thinking?
