Of course happiness means something different to each of us. While some are easily happy and carefree, some others (like myself) struggle to find happiness in the small minutia of life. But I'm certainly trying
While I was sitting in the waiting room, well waiting while my mom was in surgery I started to feel sorry for myself. As I always do, I refuse to leave the hospital as when my dad was sick I was called back for "emergency's" my dad was having. While it may be healthier to leave, get fresh air, etc. I just can't. So I sat there first thinking to myself giiirrrll you are really pushing it with the weight - you barely fit in these chairs. haha. But then I started to feel really sad, how unfair to have not only one sick parent, but in many ways now two. Please don't get me wrong though, my mom is not nearly as sick as my dad was - but she is struggling. As I sat there I started to think about how unfair (yes I am aware I am using this word a lot - but I've got nothing else) it is to watch your parents suffer. I think it is one of the hardest things to face in life, I'm sure only second to watching your children suffer. Then I started to look at houses to buy online (and honestly we can't get ANY house), and looking at wedding stuff so its basically just really giving myself a real sadistic treat. In any event, I was just fine serving myself a nice helping of feeling sorry for myself and family - and I was fine with that.
BUT THEN, I noticed that the closing arguments for the Julie Schenekar trial were on - you know that bat shit crazy woman who brutally murdered her two teenage children in Tampa?! Anyway, I've been captivated by her trial, but really began to listen to what they were saying....I was hearing stuff like "psychotic....shot her in the face...shot her in the head....all she wanted to do was kill herself...psychotic...it was time for her and her children to be with God." After listening to this for only a few short minutes I began to realize - my life is like a dam dream compared to whatever the heck was happening in this family's life. THOSE children clearly had it rough - a dad traveling with the military and mom who literally was crazy. I don't have it rough and started to think of reasons of what happiness really is...this is what I came up with:
Happiness is......having two parents who were present and loved me greatly
Happiness is......having a fiance who truly loves me just the way I am
Happiness is......having a 5 year old soon to be step daughter who is my everything (yes I know I am very lucky with this one)
Happiness is......having in-laws who are incredibly supportive, whom I like and whom actually like me (I think)
Happiness is......having true, honest and real friendship
Happiness is......having a roof over our heads
Happiness is......having beds to sleep in
Happiness is......having a partner who believes in me
Happiness is......having a partner who likes to hold my hand
Happiness is......having a dog (it may sound lame but she has stood by my side through some very happy and very rough times)
Happiness is......being able to surprise our 5 year old on a regular basis
Happiness is......being able to take care of others
Happiness is......being able to laugh on a regular basis with your partner
Happiness is......despite losing one parent, I still have one who thinks I'm pretty fabulous
Happiness is......the flowers I'm getting to grow in my garden
Happiness is......cuddling
Happiness is......family
Happiness is......love
I realize my list isn't all that profound, it is to me. And I realize when I look at this list I have way more to be happy about than I give myself credit for. Now please don't get me wrong, I've been given a healthy dose of perspective, I didn't get a brain transplant. So as I sit here and write I'm still thinking about the house I found online and am still thinking If only I could get a job or win the lottery. But in my opinion perspective is progress right?! So I'm going to chalk today up to progress!
